Good Enough
By Beth Thomas
It’s no secret that music can offer us a source of escape during our darkest moments. For me, one of the go-to mood-lifters has always been The Stone Roses - Waterfall, as a welcome reminder to ‘carry on through it all’ whatever chaos life swings my way - a great deal in recent years.
Mental health can be difficult to understand for people that haven’t lived in your shoes (or rather, chewed up vans, thanks to my four-legged best friend).
That’s why a lot of people find their problems, in particular, anxiety hard to talk about. The fear that no-one understands what you’re going through, in my experience, can leave you feeling even more alienated. But it’s important, now more than ever, to remember that you’re not alone. And if reading my story helps you realise that, well then it's worth pausing my Netflix binge to share it with you.
Anxiety has been the unwelcome shadow that’s followed me since I was a teen, along with an abundance of insecurities and the all-too-familiar feeling of never being good enough. Which I know, is relatable for many.
University, although filled with as many happy memories as sad, was very up and down for me. This was when my anxiety truly came to the surface after battling health issues within the family, dealing with my own trauma from an attack I had buried in the back of my mind, juggling a degree, a job, dating, trying to keep up with a social life, all while feeling like I was drowning inside.
In times like those, seeing the bright side was tough. But what I’ve learned over the years, and indeed, CBT therapy has helped me to see, is there is always good to be found and a silver lining, even in situations that you never thought you would survive, you did. As the memories of anxiety attacks fade, I see what got me through those three years - my housemates, my sacks of £2.99 pasta, the messy pre-drinks, the hilariously bad tinder dates and the nights spent with friends, listening to music and smoking our troubles away.
Being a 2020 version of Bridget Jones wasn’t always my aspiration, but life doesn’t always go how you planned. After a string of failed relationships, falling victim to the ghosting trend, and an Instagram feed full of people that appear to have their lives together, it is easy to see why modern life can leave you feeling like you’re not good enough, especially with a background of your own insecurities.
Don't get me wrong, throughout the dark times, life has shed some light, too - against all odds, I finished my degree, met Pete Doherty a week after finishing my dissertation on him (fate?), travelled across South-East Asia, gained a fiery ginger niece and the coolest nephew, had the funniest trip to Benidorm (mobility scooters, fry ups and cheap drinks galore), experienced the Rolling Stones live and welcomed the maddest rescue dog, Finley into our family, a week after we found out my mum's brain tumour had grown. It’s safe to say he rescued us at that point.
After years of battling with my mental health, I know that I am far from ‘fixed’ but I'm working on becoming the person I know I can be. Someone who doesn’t need the approval of others to feel worthwhile. Someone who has the confidence to feel good enough. Good enough to be loved, good enough to be wanted, good enough to be alive. One day, I'll get there. And if I can, believe me, so can you.
It’s important, now more than ever, to reach out to your loved ones and let them know how you’re feeling. I truly don’t think I’d be here today if it wasn’t for my family and my friends, offering a shoulder to cry on and a glass of wine when shit hits the fan.
So cheers to us, the so-called damaged people, making it through day by day and rebuilding our lives one step at a time.