Reclaim the Planet

By Lily Gutierrez

TRIGGER WARNING: including mention of sexual abuse and assault

My daughter told me not to go out in the dark because I might get kidnapped.

She is 6 years old, she said a friend in her class had told her theres bad men at night.

These moments with my daughter feel like near death experiences, my brain sky rockets through the memory of everything I’ve ever lived in search of the right answers.

I know there is no right answer but endless honest discussions over the course of her lifetime. 

The image that sticks with is was the one she painted, a bad man in the night, the monster in the ally. I remember that thought as a child, thinking I would know danger because I would recognize it, like I do in the movies.

But we all know as adults that the bad man might be your best friend, he might be someone you look up to. He might not being in the dark, he could be in your home.

The simplified caricatures were fed do not serve us.

Victims of domestic abuse are not weak they are strong.

Rape victims didn’t do something wrong- their rapists did.

Women who have suffered abuse don’t look a certain way. They look like me and you.

The other part of sexual harassment or abuse that gets diluted is what happens after. No one talks about that. We know that 95% of women do not report their experiences but we don’t talk about what happens beyond.

I rarely think about the times I got raped, or drugged, or groped or held at knifepoint.  When I was 19 I was kidnapped by a stranger for 10 hours and was certain I’d be murdered, I rarely, if ever, tell this story. I’ve spoken about these things to so many different types of therapists that I have organized my thoughts, tidied them. The memories have been expelled from my brain but they still live in my body.

My body talks to me about these experiences when I have a panic attack in a cab or when I sleep walk, which is still most nights

It speaks to me in my obsession with trying to remain in control and my complete inability to walk into a lift.

My experiences affect my every day in silent, often unnoticed ways. The attacks are long over but my body is still trying to protect itself.

I know so many of you are hurting from recent events, and the murders of Sarah Everard and Blessing Olusegun.

it’s stirred up so much trauma.

It’s reminded me to check in on my friends, not just after something bad happens but forever. Because healing is slow.

My hope and it come in the form of community.

So many people in our town are doing incredible things to raise women and and re-think  it all.

Black Butterfly

Channeling Change

The Refugee Buddy Project

Women’s Voice

Hastings Food Action

Eggtooth

Collective Action London 

The list could go on and on.

The women running these projects are planting seeds all over town, they have been for years! and with a little support from us all they will soon grow bigger than beanstalks.

I found out more about these groups last year, when I was trying to be a better an ally. I learned that systemic racism is everywhere, in schools and police systems and pretty much all old establishments.

And these places are full of misogyny too. Women don’t report crimes because they don’t trust the police. They don’t listen to you. But what if your doctor doesn’t listen to you either and thinks you’re exaggerating symptoms, or the estate agents wont rent you a house because you’re a single mum on benefits.

Reclaim the night but also reclaim the fucking day. Reclaim the right to housing, reclaim the right to healthcare, reclaim the right to be protected, and have choices.

Seeds of change are growing all around which is great but we need to burn down all the old systems to make room for them to grow.

I know as women we don’t want more put on our shoulders but we need to push for it all to be rebuilt, with empathy training and an understanding of mental health.

Let’s get involved in local politics and change it from the inside, find out where local funding is going and help redirect and assign it to the community over big business. Help create more safe spaces for women to talk and share and heal and grow.

Get involved with the local groups because if we come together and help them grow we can all rise up the beanstalk together and it’s easier to help others once we know the way up.

Reclaim the night and the day.

but also reclaim the planet, because it’s better in our hands.